The Medieval Paper

By Brennan K., Grade 6

The Crusade is pointless. The Crusaders should be more Christian-like and ask politely if they could share the Holy Land. If they had thought about what they were going to do, like maybe killing many people, they would know they were breaking the commandment (Thou Shalt Not Kill) and will be sent to Hell.

The Crusade is happening because of greed. The Christians are forgetting all about their beliefs and practices and are going after the Holy Land. Greed is destroying their common sense and self control. Greed is also urging the Crusaders to conquer foreign lands. Its like kids and their toys: they forget about everything else and all they can think about is the new toy at the market. The Holy Land is just like that new toy. The greed is pulling the Crusaders to the Holy Land the same as the toy entices the child. The Crusade is pointless because it is a waste of time, men and money.

Operation: Cactus Trouble

By Edgebrook School's 3rd Grade with Ms. Sherwood
Illustrations by Jeni Crone (Noun Confused)
Once upon a time in the very dry and vast Desolate Singing Desert there lived a secret agent named Bob-Larry.  Bob-Larry was one of the most famous wormtle agents in all of the world.  (A wormtle is a very special creature which is part worm and part turtle, and it makes him very good at being a special agent because he can hide like a worm but still has a hard shell to protect him.)

Bob-Larry was way cooler than all of the other wormtle agents, because not only was he made out of chocolate, but also, he could disguise himself as a stick whenever he was in trouble.  


Every day, when Bob-Larry was not saving the world, he would spend his time racing rocket-equipped Volkswagens across the desert.  Everyone he drove by had to shout out, “Punch buggy tie-dye!” because his rocket-equipped Volkswagen was tie-dyed blue, pink, and orange with a black peace sign on the hood.

One day, as Bob-Larry was sitting in his kitchen, getting ready to start the day, his banana phone started flashing.  He answered the phone, which was his direct line to  Paul Bunyan, who was the head of the Secret Agent Wormtle Agency, which was also known as SAWA.

“Yes, Chief?” questioned Bob-Larry.

Paul Bunyan replied, “Your greatest enemy Chuck-Charles is on the loose and being helped by his assistant, Miles Davis.”

“What’s going on here?” asked Bob-Larry.

“Chuck-Charles is chopping down all the magic purple cacti in the Desolate Singing Desert.  You must stop them!”

What happens next?! Will Bob-Larry save the cacti? Why have Chuck-Charles and Miles Davis decided to chop down the cacti in the first place? Finish the story yourself, and send it to awigifyouwantit@gmail.com  

Iron Man With Fork

By Albatool S., Grade 6, Johann W Von Goethe Elementary

It was a very nice evening. The sun was about to set, and Iron Man was getting ready to go out with his girlfriend, Rosalie, to eat dinner at Olive Garden. As most people know, Iron Man is very huge, but Rosalie was very tiny compared to him. It was very hard for Rosalie to fit Iron Man in her Volkswagen Beetle. She also had to put him in the backseat. “Do I have to lie down?” asked Iron Man. Rosalie said yes. Iron Man tried to squeeze in so he could fit, but it didn’t work.

            

“Oh my gosh, Iron Man,” Rosalie said. “Maybe I should buy a new car that you could fit into."        
“Yeah, sure,” Iron Man replied. “Why not? But I’m not paying for it.”

“Never mind, then,” said Rosalie. Iron Man asked if they were there yet. They were. After 15 minutes, Rosalie finally got Iron Man out of the backseat of the car.

            

“Is this a special occasion?” asked Iron Man.

“No, duh,” Rosalie said. “It’s been a month since we have been dating. Plus, why should I take you out to dinner and waste my money on you if there’s no special occasion.”

“Aw, you’re bogus,” said Iron Man.

Then, Rosalie and Iron Man went inside to eat dinner. “Hello sir,” said the waitress. “What can I get you?”

“First of all, my name is Iron Man, not sir,” he replied. “And I want a steak, medium rare. And some salad, soup, and breadsticks.”

“Wow, sir…uh…I mean, Iron Man, you have a big appetite,” the waitress answered.

“No, I don’t,” Iron Man said. “It’s just that my girlfriend is paying for dinner. If I was paying, I would order only breadsticks and soup.” 

While they waited for their steak, Iron Man and Rosalie ate breadsticks and soup. After 10 minutes, the waitress served their steak. “Mmm,” Iron Man said. “That was good.”

“Yup,” replied his girlfriend. Iron Man was at his last bite when he accidentally ate his fork. “Are you okay?” asked Rosalie. “Should I call an ambulance?”

“No, I’m fine,” replied Iron Man. “This actually tastes good. Do you want some, Rosalie?”

“Yeah, sure,” replied Rosalie. Rosalie took a bite and then made a face. “It does taste good,” Rosalie lied. “You should open a restaurant.”

            

So, he did, but he got no customers.

Aww, poor Iron Man.

826CHI celebrates the National!

 

In honour of our friends the National releasing their new album, High Violet, today we thought we'd post a couple excerpts from articles some 826CHI middle school students wrote last summer when they interviewed the band at the Pitchfork Music Festival. Enjoy!


From Mason Hammond's "Pitchfork Music Festival":

The National are headliners for Pitchfork this year. Their band name is a mistake of nature – they tried to make the name boring, so that it would be cool in a sense, yet in spite of the boring name they are known worldwide. They have played all over the US, as well as in Russia, Greece, Istanbul, and more. This is their second year at Pitchfork but they’ve been a band for ten years, while only vastly popular for two years.

Their most successful song is "Fake Empire," because of its wide use, being included in an Obama presidential campaign commercial. Their influences are Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave, the Pixies, and Pavement. They think that music can be political and create political songs themselves sometimes, but they really just want their music to be fun.

From Jamari Brown's "Pitchfork Madness":

Last but not least I interviewed "The National." They tried to come up with a really boring name but at the same time make it "cooler than cool." This was the National's second year at the Pitchfork Music Festival. Their musical themes are romance, insecurity, and scaredness.

The Fat, Hairless Hamster Hits the Waterpark

By: Ms. Venegas’ 2nd Grade Class from LaSalle Language Academy
Illustrator: Corinne Mucha
Storyteller: Libby Walker

Once upon a time, in the freezing cold city of Newer Mexico, there was an epic waterpark called Crocodile Palace. This waterpark had fifty million rides, including hamster rides, two-thousand foot tall water slides, and The Intergalactic Drop, which brings you all the way to Otter Space and back again. At Crocodile Palace, there was a superfan. His name was Chew-Cho, and he was a fat, hairless, green, scaredy hamster.

Chew-Cho was afraid of clowns, tomatoes, and giant bananas. But, miraculously, Chew-Cho was not afraid of water slides. In fact, he had bravely snuck onto an airplane headed for Newer Mexico so he could experience Crocodile Palace for himself. It was also easy for him to parachute out of the plane, because its cargo was clowns, tomatoes and giant bananas. But, he did not just ride the rides from top to bottom, he also loved to climb straight back up the tubes and tunnels.

His absolute number-one favorite ride in the whole park was the Devil Fire Slide. You rode upside down twenty million feet through walls of fire and ghoulish shadows. "Oh yeah, baby!" Chew-Cho would shout as he zipped through the water slide at one thousand miles per hour. When he reached the end, he would turn around and scamper right back up to the top again.

On Take Your Clown, Tomato, or Giant Banana to the Waterpark Day, Chew-Cho would normally hide underwater with his goggles and snorkle until all of the frightening guests left. This year, the day actually lasted for forty-eight hours. When he emerged from the jacuzzi he was hiding in, he was shocked to realize it was still his least favorite holiday!


What happens next?! Will Chew-Cho survive Take Your Clown, Tomato, or Giant Banana to the Waterpark Day? Will he get to ride his beloved Devil Fire Slide ever again? Finish the story yourself, and send it to awigifyouwantit@gmail.com